Some diverse proposition

I remember back in the day when LIVE JOURNAL and XANGA were just the neatest things; everyone who was anyone had one and I would spend hours of my time looking for pictures of My Chemical Romance while chatting with various other “My Chem” indebted fans. I do in fact miss jotting down random facts about life, society and other gibberish of the day. So, I figure the best way to start this is to just jump right in.

So, here goes.

I feel as if i’m standing at this great precipice  in my life right- A crossroad if you will. There are so many roads to which I have the ability to take. It can be enthralling and a little unnerving at the same time. This year has truly been a year of tests for me.

A test of my relationship (which is still standing- two years strong!)

A test of my patiance

A test of friendships (many of which failed)

A test of ability

A test of faith

A test of character and strength

And

A test of dedication

The list honestly goes on and on, and yet its hard to just take these blind steps of faith down my pathway trusting that i’m completely doing the right thing. I know that everything God puts in our lives is for a reason. God really does amaze me- I love seeing these explanations play out, because i’m sure we all can attest that the whens, wheres and whys are not always completely clear at first to us- then with time God shows us. It’s really great to have that.

Two days ago I was informed at work that a very close friend of mine, Daniel Mccalpine OD’d and is now no longer with us. I still have not had my “big cry” and as I discovered when my grandmother died in March- the “big cry” can often take a very long time to really muster. I’m an individual who processes most everything for quite a long time. Now, trust me this doesn’t mean that the second I found out I wasn’t deeply moved and hurt by the fact that such a wonderful, funny, loyal and great person had taken their own life but I just need some time to reflect on this. I already miss him- just knowing he isn’t there to text me, message me or hug me hurts me quite deeply. I’ll be posting later specifically reflecting on this- I just can’t believe he is gone; I will really miss him. :[

Other than that life has been changing at a rapid pace lately and I feel as if things are finally going to be settling in. This summer has been nothing like I expected it to be- I haven’t seen Adam since June. NINE times there were plans- large and small to come out here or me go there and of course, they were quickly squashed by the lovely members of his family who take pride in blaming it ALL on Adam. To fill anyone in who actually reads this. Adam and I have been together for two years-come ocotober- one of which he was here. Last summer he was taken from me and moved to Idaho with his family. Our first year of long distance was very rocky and unpredictable but worked out none the less. In June I was told his family was moving back several times, none of which were true or sucessful- at this point Adam has no money and is unable to come see me until he gets employed. Goodness Gracious it has been a test- but I do believe a good one.  I miss him very much and I must say it is quite difficult to get by without my other half. But come March when he turns 18- no more Idaho in this relationship. woohoo!

7 months cannot come fast enough!

As for other changes that have taken place in the last six months- I lost two pretty good friends. Both had similar “explanations” as to why they decided to terminate our friendship. I have come to the conclusion that they both share several things in common- Selfishness and immaturity. When one is too focused on themselves and what they want- how can they possibly stay stable in a friendship. One is too in love with a boy and the other too in love with themselves to have taken the time to repair a friendship that meant a lot to me on both ends. In the end I have discovered I am quite thrilled with the remaining friends who have stuck me and very happy to be making new ones. Cheers to the future!

I’m finally settling in a little bit with my new job at Starbucks. Training ended but everyday is still a new and exciting learning experience. Everyone there is fantastic and so great in general! I’m really excited for the future, and how to SOMEDAY be a great barista. I still have a longgg ways to go.

Come visit me sometime!

Anyway, I do believe I have covered quite a bit of ground this evening.

What a lovely first post.

“Well after this I shall think nothing of falling down the stairs!”

-Alice in Wonderland